Swipe right, swipe left. Swipe your jealousy out.

8:38 PM Daniela Skeyki 0 Comments

*Disclaimer: No, this is a not a post about how destructive or beneficial Tinder is. This is a post about how to avoid jealousy, especially when we have so many reasons (or apps) to experience it.

We live in the era, where meeting a new person is just a click away. Internet offers so many options for those who seek, that eventually you stop seeing difference. Nevertheless, romance is still not dead, neither is jealousy. Jealousy was always there, before all of these social media websites, speed dating sources, Tinder & so on. And jealousy is here to stay. But how do we battle this enemy, now that we have so many reasons to trigger it? 

It took me years to realize and practice all of the things below (and I still do) and it definitely helps me to sleep better at night. 
The main problem with feeling “jealous” is that it has nothing to do with love. We mistakenly believe that jealousy is a consequence of our strong and tender feelings, but in reality it’s just a very ordinary fear of losing and an exaggerated sense of possessiveness. We are all ready to fight for our beloved one, and sometimes it gets very ugly and involves a lot of yelling (these ugly loud noises that you should stop doing in general) and awkward hair grabbing or punching and God knows what. We are ready to conquer him/her from the whole planet. We are ready to lock them in our house and throw away the key in the sea. 

It is very necessary to understand that jealousy not only destroys your relationship, but it destroys your health as well. Strange but true fact that jealous people suffer from headaches, depression and other nervous disorders more often than normal people. Yes, I am going to write “Normal” and if you read further you will understand why.

Unsubstantiated jealousy often turns from the cute “It saddens me that you were late to our date” into a severe form, close to paranoia “I know you’ve had sex with that brunette in the parking lot before entering the cinema”. Nobody knows who “that brunette” is, but apparently it makes a lot of sense for the jealous side.

It takes years and years to master all the rules I wrote down in this post, but it's never too late to start practicing them now before your jealousy issues lead you to being a single coocoo.

Eliminate your fears.
Fears should be faced and known. Fears should be studied.
In simple words: Simple analyzation of where your suspicions come from.

Treat love as an ephemeral thing. In reality, the world is made in a way that we cannot keep someone next to us throughout life, unless they choose to do that willingly. The realization that everything, including you is temporary will help you to perceive the surrounding reality easier. If you live in a constant fear that your partner is going to leave you, there is a high chance that this thought will lead him/her to do so. Fear of losing makes you unhappy, and therefore poisons your relationship. You were given only several decades to live, learn how to enjoy what you have here and now.

Do not compare.
Here comes the Captain Obvious and he wants to share with you a little fact:
You are not a product that is being sold on the market.

Your partner prefers you to others not just because of your good looks. Your nervous comparison of yourself with other people won’t lead to anything good. What you have to understand is that, YES, there are always people who are better than you in something, but not in everything. This key combination of things in you (your flaws, imperfections and skills and bla bla) is what your other half chose you for.

Over the years relationship evolves into something bigger than just sexual attraction and appearance admiration. With the time you’ve spent together you build a base, which consists of the co-production experience and passing through endless tests and accumulation of all of those is one of the reasons why “just a pretty face” won’t do it. (In your face, pretty faces)

Control your imagination.
Your fantasies deprive you from the possibility of soberly analyzing the situation. Which leads us to the point below.

Trust is all and everything you need for a strong and healthy relationship. Most of the times we get jealous not because we have trust issues, but just because we are experiencing some fear and low confidence. In this case jealousy has no supporting thoughts and comes only from our feelings. Communicate with your partner. Explain your fears, try to understand where they come from, let your partner explain where he stands in a relationship. Which leads us again to rule 1: Eliminate your fears. Be ready to face honesty, but more importantly be ready to accept this honesty, giving your partner the freedom to speak truth. Even if it hurts.

Last but not least: Land on planet Earth. We always look and admire attractive representatives of the opposite sex. Sometimes we not only admire them, in our head. *coughs* Embrace this side of you to have some wild fantasy trip with an absolute stranger, because it’s not cheating. Once you are confident with this side of yours, you will stop considering this as an "infidelity" in your partner.

Consider everything above as a set of exercises, which you need to remember and practice all the time in order to stay in shape and improve yourself.